Posts Tagged 'personal'

I came to an incredible realization while at Abilene Christian University for my practical skills and theory class.  Well, at least it was incredible to me. I’ve lamented here frequently that I get frustrated with “church” and how little it looks like what the New Testament says it should.  I’ve whined and moaned a little, but mostly I’ve tried to be open and honest and searching.  The realization at ACU had to do with getting the very heart of the matter that I was dealing with.  As with any problem, it’s hard to deal with it before you name it, and last week I got a name for my problem.

Some time back I did a series of posts on the book FireStorm: Preventing and Overcoming Church Conflict by Ron Susek.  In that series, I discuss Susek’s belief that church conflict is generated in some degree by unmet expectations in key areas of leadership.  When expectations are unmet, especially in the areas of truth, relationships, integrity, and mission, dead branches of kindling build up just waiting for the right spark to set the church ablaze in conflict.  It may seem sort of elementary, but unmet expectations in any area can lay the ground work for conflict to build later.

Now, tie into this something else that I, personally, have struggled with.  I pursued a graduate level study in conflict in a major way because everywhere I went there seemed to be conflict.  One of my mentors has compared me to an abused spouse that subconsciously seeks out dysfunctional relationships that are more likely to lead to abuse.  I thought I was being humble when I sarcastically remarked that “I couldn’t figure out what the constant is in all these conflicts”, insinuating it was ME that was the conflict.  In a recent lunch with one of my co-ministers, Rubel Shelly, he responded to that by saying, “You’re far too arrogant.  Those conflict existed long before you got there.”  I laughed so hard I choked on my chips and salsa.

Here’s what I figured out.  My problem in not with individuals in multiple locations, although that is part of it.  My problem is not with some systemic dysfunction that seems to plague Churches of Christ in particular, although that is definitely a contributing factor.  My problem is with unmet expectations.  My conflict, in and of itself, transcends people and place and is actually with the unmet expectations that lie between the “concept” of church and the “practice” of church.

I know this sort of sounds like I’m repeating something simple, but this was a deep revelation to me for two reasons.  First, it allows me to realize that those unmet expectations, while in a way are everyone’s fault, are definitely no one person’s fault in particular.  In fact, the gap between “concept” and “practice” is wide enough and long standing enough that it works against anyone that wants to actively change it.  People like myself that try to insert themselves into unhealthy systems are run over and trampled, not by people but by the system itself.  Similar to the GM internal memo (thanks Jim Martin for the source) by Elmer Johnson that was quoted in the New York Times, “We have vastly underestimated how deeply ingrained are the cultural rigidities that hamper our ability to execute.” Understanding this allows me to step back to a bigger picture place and extend grace to everyone that is unknowingly, or perhaps knowingly, being pushed along by the system. (Thanks Joey Cope for the lecture on reverence!)

Second, I realized that I don’t have a good understanding of where the expectations are not being met.  It’s one thing to say, “We’re doing something wrong.”  It’s an entirely different thing to say, “Here’s what we’re doing wrong.”  One is empowering (knowledge), while another only promotes unhealthy cycles of conflict (ignorance).  Getting to the heart of the matter (striving for transcendence) is key in solving the problems.  The great thing about this understanding is that it gives me a handle on my issue and a starting point to working through it.

So, where do I go next with my understanding?  First and foremost, I’ve decided to do a detailed study of the theology of church.  I need to know what the standard is before I can understand where the expectations are not being met.  I imagine this study could take years and years, but I think I’ll start to gain insight fairly quickly.  This will be the context for a majority of my blog entries over the coming weeks and months, so you’ll have an idea of what to expect.

I’ll leave you with a real life story that I experienced this week that is sort of my personal theme as I begin this study.  I’ll try to hide as many details as possible, but the power of the situation should be evident (it was to me or I wouldn’t be posting it, now would I?). I spoke this week with a ministry leader that had a 15-20 minute presenation they wanted to make during an upcoming Sunday a.m. worship assembly.  After discussing it with another co-minister, we suggested we could replace the sermon that week and just have this presentation.  One of the workers in the ministry that is making the presentation came to me and the following conversation ensued:

Worker: Are we really going to cancel the sermon for our worship service?
Me: I suppose we could.  What would be wrong with it?
Worker: There’s just something about that that I’m not comfortable with at all.
Me:  Why do we have a sermon on Sunday morning anyway?
Worker: Tradition?
Me: There’s just something about that that I’m not comfortable with at all.
Worker: I guess I just walked into that one.
Me: I think we both did.

Thanks for joining me on what might be a great journey. Please be prayful for me as I seek to understand God’s desire for church, both mine and yours, and for my life in the church.

This questions has caused me more trouble than I care to admit. I never felt a strong pull toward what “I am supposed to be”. I’ve joked recently with people my age and older that we still don’t know what we want to be when we grow up. I imagine we’ll figure out one day.

For the last several months, and maybe from the beginning of this blog, my blog has been asking the same question. The focus for my blog has meandered from family to ministry to leadership. It’s tried to balance between personal anecdotes and lessons or devotionals for a more general public. The poor little blog is even torn between whether to be spiritual or technological in nature. Talk about an identity crisis.

After giving it much thought, my blog is not suffering from an identity crisis. My blog is suffering from being too much like its creator: me. As many of us experience, my life is a balancing act between competing agendas. I am simultaneously an individual consumed with my own wants and desires as well as a parent/husband/church leader whose primary responsibility is for the care for others. I am pulled between things I want to do and things I need to do. I walk daily in the gray area between the spiritual and the physical. Throw in a little bit of ADD, infrequent bouts of fatigue and depression, and an ability to be amused and entertained by things that others consider silly and you’ve got the makings for one random life.

As such, I have decided what this blog is supposed to be. As narcissistic as it may sound, this blog is about me. It is about my challenges and my triumphs. It is about my successes and failures. It is about my attempt to do the best I can to make it through this world that we live in without messing things up too badly. That walk includes lessons God is teaching me and will include other characters that share the stage of life with me.  Sometimes those lessons will have a broad focus and sometimes narrow.  The characters may be friends, family, or strangers.  One thing this blog will not be is fake.  You’ll get the real Brad, and hopefully you’ll find him a little charming.

Thanks for sharing this journey with me!

I may be getting a little personal here, but I’m a very mole-y person. I always have been. Lot of little brown spots adorn my otherwise perfect specimen of a human body (ha ha ha ha HAAAAA). As is customary to someone like myself, I had my annual full-body check by my dermatologist today to look for cancerous and pre-cancerous moles.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever been through this process before, but it ranks up there with some of the more humiliating medical procedures to endure. You know your dignity is flying out the window any time a nurse hands you a paper sheet and says, “When I come back with the doctor, make sure that’s all you’re wearing.” I also find it funny the way doctors greet patients in that type of situation. Mine said, “Hello, Michael. How are you today?” I chuckled and said, “About as good as a man sitting on a table wearing a paper sheet can be.” He found that humorous, and I was glad I could entertain.

I’ve been body mapped a few times, and each time I really impress the doctors with my geographical pigmentation. The first time was when I was going into the Army. I thought they were screening me for cancer, but when I asked they told me it was so they could identify me if they only found pieces of me. They assured me I’d be easy to identify.

Technology has really changed this procedure, though. In the past, there were little sketches of a human that the nurse would draw on as the doctor made comments about varying identifying features. Now they capture it all on digital camera! Not only do you get to sit on a table wearing a paper sheet, but then they stand you up and walk around you taking pictures! The nurse said, “Don’t worry, I won’t put these on Facebook or Youtube or anything.” I tried a little guilt trap and asked her why she would bring that up if I hadn’t mentioned being worried. Her silence actually did worry me.

The highlight of the visit is the pulling out of previous year’s pictures to compare them with my current status to look for changes. The doctor thumbed through the photos really quickly, then stopped on one and made an odd “Hmmmm…” Giving me just enough time to get worried, he turned the photo over and showed it to me and said, “Look at the way the light was coming in off of the mini-blinds when they took this photo. The way it casts a shadow across [body part censored] is almost… artistic…” Again, I was glad to entertain.

As the nurse gave me permission to re-robe, she opened the door to the room and stood there for a little bit. I started to scramble for the sheet and made a comment about covering up when she had the door open. She replied, “No one ever comes back to this area” as she continued to hold the door open. I was reassured for a split second before I remembered that I, in fact, was in that area. If that was the case, it couldn’t be true that no one ever comes back there. As I looked up to make that joke with the nurse, I realized I was instead looking at a bearded, flannel-and-camo-hat wearing, definitely a hunter/tough guy that had somehow managed to get back into the area that no one ever goes into. Our eyes met for a second, which was really awkward. After the second or third person passed the door, the nurse finally decided to close it and let me get dressed.

So, the end result is no cancer/pre-cancer this year. The good news is, I only have to wait 12 more months before I get to do it all again.